I lost my dad, an uncle and more than one friend to suicide. Recently several people close to me have had their lives upended because someone in their family decided to call it quits and I thought maybe I should say something in the wake of Chris Cornell’s suicide.
I’ve spoken out about this publicly several times, most recently a few years ago when Radio Canada Winnipeg tracked me down for an interview after the death of Robin Williams who I had had the pleasure of meeting a few times through Gord’s Ski and Bike.
I’ve been really fortunate to have had many good friends look out for me when things were at their bleakest in my life… And because of these amazing and incredible people (Carmen, Steve, Steve, Mark, Ray and Elysia just to name a few) I never acted on the selfish urge to take the easy way out. It’s important to speak out, to let those you love know that you’re there. If only to guilt those you love into pushing through hard times, if only to remind them not only that they are loved but of the damage they can do if they decide to check out.
I’m no expert and I’m sure I’ll offend more than a few people by writing this but here’s my take: Whatever it takes to keep someone from taking their life, do it… Because one thing is for damned sure, once your gone, you’re gone for good… And let me assure you that suicide isn’t the end of anything, it’s a life sentence for those of us left behind.
The tremendous psychiatrist I was seeing way back when in Winnipeg once said something to me that resonated deeply with me when I first told him I had thoughts of suicide: He asked me “do you know what will happen if you kill yourself?” And before I could answer he added “Someone else will take your valuable weekly appointment with me”. For some odd reason that cold, detached comment really impacted me. His presence really helped me realize a great many things in that difficult period of my life…
But mostly I hung on to the fact that he promised me he’d be there every week … And that he expected me there. He even took the time to explain to me that the government of Manitoba was (at the time) spending an awful lot of money in order to help me get through this… and that if anything, I should at least respect THAT. Mark’s patience, kindness and twisted wisdom, combined with the incredible show of love from those who cared for me… that did it for me. Never again did I think that thought again. Not even for a moment.
If you ever feel like calling it quits. Call me or text me at 204.999.8110. I’ll listen, I’ll drive over, I’ll hug you, yes, I may slap you upside the head and remind you how fucking selfish killing yourself is and then hug you some more. I’ll do like Elysia and drive by your house at all hours of the night to deliver you Slurpees and leave messages on your car windshield to reind you that your loved… or do like Steve and call you for no reason just to chat, I might even do like the other Steve and offer you a room in my house so I can keep an eye on you, I might do like Carmen and ask a colleague in the mental health field help save your life… Or I’ll come ride my bike with you like so many of you did for me.
But no matter how bleak life seems, don’t end your life. It’s simply not the solution, no matter how much life may hurt at the moment (trust me, it IS just a moment). It’s true what they say: Ending your life is a permanent solution to a very temporary problem. Besides: We love you too damn much. Remember this: (if that’s all that’ll keep you from hurting yourself) If you kill yourself you’ll break our hearts forever. Perhaps you’ll have alleviated your pain but us survivors will be stuck living out the rest of our lives in sadness. Don’t be that idiot.
JF® 
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